We are now up to the Sunday before Christmas. I am on the road early. I had completely forgotten that I wanted to get Tara floor mats that match her steering wheel cover. I head for Strauss in Milltown. They do not have it. I decide to go to Woodbridge Center to finish up my shopping. It shouldn't be too bad. On the way up Route 1 I see Sears, Auto Zone, and Pep Boys. I can most likely get the mats in one of these places, all of which are on the southbound side, so I will stop in on the way back.
It is one of the very rare Sundays that I skip Church. I tell myself that if things are going well I will stop in at Our Lady of Peace and catch the noon mass. I know that this is probably not going to happen. I do not feel guilty about it, but I do have the feeling that God is watching me, shaking His head, rolling His eyes, and reminding me that if I hadn't missed Black Friday I would be home at my computer with a bagel and a cup of tea.
I start at the Sears in Woodbridge Center. They do not have an automotive department. I am now on the lookout for Merlots tee shirts, which I hear can be found at Spencers. I feel way too old to be shopping in Spencers, which was deliciously raunchy when I was in high school. Thirty one years and two daughters later it strikes me as half a notch away from being a porn shop. The saleswoman tells me that they do not sell True Blood merchandise, but that I can get it in Hot Topic or FYE. While I am surrepticiously browsing I find Pop Rocks, a stocking stuffer tradition. I pay and exit quickly.
I locate the perfect tree ornament for Tara. It is a camera, which I have personalized with her name. I pay and am told to come back in ten minutes. At this point in my travels I am so obsessed with Coach shoes that I have mentally blurred the line between what I am buying and what other people are buying. I am no longer thinking straight and think I am buying shoes for Laura. I stop at the ladies' room at J.C. Penny, and pass the shoe department on the way out. I ask if they have Coach shoes. The clerk doesn't seem to speak much English and isn't sure that Coach shoes are. I go to Macy's. I find the shoes Laura wants in size 7 1/2. While I wait for the shoes I realize that I am not holding a bag. Totally losing it now, I can't remember what exactly was in the bag or when I last had it. For a moment I think I've lost the ornament. But I don't think I've picked it up yet. I layed it down on the toilet paper dispenser in the ladies' room. Which department store was that in? Did I pick the bag back up? Which came first, the ornament or the bathroom? And where is the salesgirl with those blasted shoes? Okay. It was only Pop Rocks. If they're gone, they're gone. The clerk brought the right shoes in the right size (or so I thought until Christmas Day). I bought them. I retraced my steps to the ornament kiosk. I left my Pop Rocks on the counter when I wrote Tara's name on the Post-It. Everything was relatively cool.
I found a table to sit at in the center of the mall. I borrowed a pen from the Dead Sea Salt vendor and checked my list. As I checked Laura's column it became clear that she didn't ask me for Coach shoes. That was Tara's idea for her sister. I sighed and pick up my phone. "Tara, I found the shoes you wanted for Laura." I was only really missing the Merlots shirts, which were too expensive at Hot Topic, and the unlisted floor mats. I tried FYE, which no longer had shirts. I did find a double pack of Fangtasia shot glasses and a Merlots mug, which I decided, was going to be Pina's birthday present. I bought them, got a birthday bag at the dollar store, and called Pina to make sure she was home. She didn't answer her cell phone.
1:04. She probably forgot to turn off her phone after noon mass. 1:07. She wasn't answering the house phone. 1:15. Still nothing. I took a chance and drove to the house. I flew into a momentary panic when I turned down the street to hear sirens and see a firetruck in front of the house. No wonder she wasn't answering the phone. Fortunately, it was only Santa's firetruck cruising around town. False alarm. Both cars were there. I called from the curb just to be obnoxious. This time she answered. I told her to open her front door and there I was on the step with a birthday bag. She had just gotten home a few minutes ago. She was, indeed, at the noon mass, but it was the Sixth Grade mass and it had gone overtime. Thinking like a Catholic, I thanked God that I didn't go to that mass after all.
All I had left was to get the mats on the way home.
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